I wish I knew how to feel about a new year. Quite honestly I never understood why we spend a full year doing things we need to change and then at the first of the year vow to change them. Why wait? I have been guilty of doing it until one year I decided not to do resolutions.
I am so thankful God is not like me. Next year I will lose weight, next year I will be a better wife, next year I will play with my kids more, next year I will volunteer more, next year............
If anything about my journey through life has taught me is that we only have today, right now. We never know what tomorrow or the next hour will bring really. After the accident the railroad had to do a reenactment of the accident. One of the things that really struck me from that is the entire accident took 3 seconds to happen. 3 SECONDS!!! That is approximately how long it takes you to take one breath. In one breath my life was changed forever.
It has been 12 years since that fateful day and I admit I am human I lose focus of that and get busy and am short with my children and my husband, I want to rich through the days like everyone else....next year....we can always get to it next year right?
But what is next year does not ring in the way you want it to or think it will? Does that change who God is to you?
This year we are facing a big surgery. I have had to stop and ask myself the question of what if you lose another child, does that change who God is to you? What if that child is not the one facing the lung transplant, what if it is your husband or worse your whole family again? Those are scary questions for me but my answer is a resounding NO it does not change who God is to me.
And I admit I have wavered on this question for the past month. But I want to share a little story with you that helped me refocus and get my feet back under me.
When I left my children with my father in November 2002 to go visit my grandfather in Massachusetts it was suppose to snow while I was there. Joshua asked me to build him a snowman and take a picture of it. And so I did not knowing that he would never see that picture. Once we came back home to Texas and buried my children and my father, my mother and I decided we could not stay here for Christmas and decided to go back to Massachusetts to spend time with my grandfather and the rest of our family. While we were there I was doing some Christmas shopping for my nephews and they wanted a football. I could not find a football anywhere. Then I drove by this small store and they had a basket full of balls and one football in that basket. I promptly stopped and bought the football. As I was walking out of the store the store owner said to wait he had something for me. He then proceeded to hand me a snowman. I did not know this man but that snowman gave me such comfort in one of the darkest times of my life. God used that man to let me know he had me in the palm of his hand.
This year as I was going through the holidays and asking myself those questions and really struggling with what we were facing and what we have faced this past year I went to a Christmas party with some wonderful women I have the honor of serving with. I almost did not go because I was not in the mood to celebrate but I went and guess what my sweet friend gave me for Christmas......yup a snowman. Nope she did not know the story or that I was struggling but God used her and her gift to remind me that he has not changed. He is still the same God that walked me through the death of my children and the same God that called me to be a mom to the amazing children he blessed me with.
Some would argue that it is just a snowman but with God it is never JUST a snowman!
"What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written: "So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge." Romans 3:1-4