Grays 2013

Grays 2013

Sunday, October 9, 2011

A time to reflect


This morning it is raining, finally.  We are in a drought and the rain is desperately needed here.  And finally we are getting some relief. I love the rain, when I was a child I use to sit on the porch with my daddy and watch the storms roll in. Turns out that one of the most valuable things my daddy taught me was to not be afraid of the storms.


Tomorrow is Jennifer's birthday and I miss her so much. She would have been 16, hard to believe. I miss her smile and her silly banter. She challenged me more than any of my boys have. She was very much like me and sometimes that was not a good thing : ) I miss her laugh and the way that she use to talk non stop.



This time of year is especially hard for me and with each passing year it is hard for different reasons. Of course the obvious unchanging one is that I desperately miss my children and my daddy, that will never change this side of heaven. Nine years ago I would have never dreamed I would be where I am today. I did not see how life would go on. I could not see past a day much less think about years. 
I love where God has me and ironically sometimes that makes me feel guilty. Now before I get a multitude of emails telling me how crazy that statement is let me assure you I know it is not rational.  But grief is not rational. And grief is not something you "get over". With each passing year I learn a different facet of grief and I am blessed with the lesson it leaves me with. As long as I am still learning it means that God is still active and alive in my life.


As I reflect on the past I cannot help but be grateful for the present. God has blessed me by showing me restoration in my life. When I look at my two sweet boys and remember my three sweet babies in heaven I am reminded of how much God loves me.

5 comments:

  1. You know Susan, I admire you and your mom! You both are such inspirational people! It took me a long time to understand how you could pick up and move on each day after such a tremendous loss??? But you and your mom made me truly understand the Power of the Great Man above and the power he has on our lives! I would have thought there truly was no reason to move on! I always here things happen for a reason...well what reason would this be for??? Well, I feel without Him, you might not like this your at, you shouldn't feel guilty...Josh, Jen and Don would not want you to not be happy in your life! You have a wonderful husband and children that makes your life worth being happy and moving on for! Your a great Lady!

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  2. Love remembering those two precious blessings that were given to you. God is good ALL the time (even if we don't understand it( and He know every page of our story before we do. I miss those two kiddos, but I am extremely enjoying your big little guy each week too. Hugs to you and yours.

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  3. Mason's birthday is Thursday. This is just what I needed to read today :) thanks for sharing.

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  4. Susan you are such a great lady and mama. I love your words here and it helps me to know that although I'll never be "over" my grief that I can continue to live and love and hope. And that one day I'll see my baby boy again.

    Thinking of you are all your babies.....♥

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  5. Thanks for sharing your sweet heart. That is exactly what I needed today. Somehow October seems to be a month filled with many of us missing our babies together...

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