A time to laugh

I am so grateful that our heavenly father created us in such a way that through our season of mourning He still provides laughter. I learned this lesson the first time at a very difficult time of my life. It was when Joshua ,Jennifer and my dad died and we had the visitation. I was standing at the back of the funeral home with my Uncle and he said something to me that made me laugh out loud. There were 2 sweet women that my dad worked with that had come to pay their respects and had no idea who I was. These two women looked at me with tear stained cheeks and gave me the meanest look they could. See they thought I was being disrespectful when in reality it was exactly what I needed at that moment. Once I took my rightful spot back at the front of the room and they realized who I was they were very apologetic. I learned through that experience that even in the darkest moments of our lives God gives us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. At that moment I needed to laugh. I needed to see that my remaining days would not be void of laughter.
During our newest period of grief in loosing the baby I realized that we don't laugh in our house as much as we did 3 weeks ago. At least I don't, and of course as a mom and wife we really do set the mood of the house.
Those of you that know our sweet Zachary know he is full of reasons to laugh and last night as I was putting my sweet boy to bed I looked into his face and through my anger and frustration and sorrow I saw the face of a loving God looking back at me. See even in my confusion and anger as to why God would have me walk this path again I cannot deny that He loves me. All I have to do is look into the face of my sweet baby boy to see how much my Saviour loves me. That made me smile and yes even laugh.
So as I face today I choose to find reasons to laugh and rejoice in that sound for I know it is a gift from God
Even though it still hurts...............

A TIME TO MOURN

Yes, unfortuantely we are in a season of mourning in our house. This is not a season I am unfamilar with having lost two children and my father in a car accident eight years ago. My most resent loss happened three weeks ago. We found out on Januray 11th that I was pregnant. We had been trying for 2 years to get pregnant so we were so excited. Three weeks later we got the news that there was not a heartbeat and I had to undergo a D&C. This devestated us as a couple but for me it opens old wounds.
To be totally honest it makes me angry.....
And as strange as this may sound this is a new emotion for me. I did not have anger when Josh and Jennifer died. I believe it is because I was covered with the grace of God. However this seemed to me that God was cruel to allow me to get pregnant and then take yet another child from me. So at this crossroad I am forced to make a decision to either believe what I know about God or to walk away.
For today I choose to believe what I know about God. In spite of the pain, sorrow, and anger I will hold on to the only thing I know.

Seasons

In our life there are seasons for everything:

"a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck what has been planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silent, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:2-8

In this blog spot I will be talking about these seasons as they are applicable to our life.