I am so grateful that our heavenly father created us in such a way that through our season of mourning He still provides laughter. I learned this lesson the first time at a very difficult time of my life. It was when Joshua ,Jennifer and my dad died and we had the visitation. I was standing at the back of the funeral home with my Uncle and he said something to me that made me laugh out loud. There were 2 sweet women that my dad worked with that had come to pay their respects and had no idea who I was. These two women looked at me with tear stained cheeks and gave me the meanest look they could. See they thought I was being disrespectful when in reality it was exactly what I needed at that moment. Once I took my rightful spot back at the front of the room and they realized who I was they were very apologetic. I learned through that experience that even in the darkest moments of our lives God gives us exactly what we need exactly when we need it. At that moment I needed to laugh. I needed to see that my remaining days would not be void of laughter.
During our newest period of grief in loosing the baby I realized that we don't laugh in our house as much as we did 3 weeks ago. At least I don't, and of course as a mom and wife we really do set the mood of the house.
Those of you that know our sweet Zachary know he is full of reasons to laugh and last night as I was putting my sweet boy to bed I looked into his face and through my anger and frustration and sorrow I saw the face of a loving God looking back at me. See even in my confusion and anger as to why God would have me walk this path again I cannot deny that He loves me. All I have to do is look into the face of my sweet baby boy to see how much my Saviour loves me. That made me smile and yes even laugh.
So as I face today I choose to find reasons to laugh and rejoice in that sound for I know it is a gift from God
Even though it still hurts...............