Grays 2013

Grays 2013

Monday, March 7, 2011

A time to surrender

There have been some very pivotal points in my life where God has brought me to a place of total surrender. This is one of those points. I have struggled this past four weeks with many questions. It seems the more we experience in life the more questions we have.
This past few weeks as I questioned why and struggled to make sense out of something so senseless anger trickled in and in my anger I gave the enemy a stronghold. My anger manifested in a poor attitude and a short temper with my family. I really blew it a few times with my two year old and I had thoughts like, "well not wonder God keeps taking all your children you are a horrible mom and you do not deserve to have children." Now you have to admit that in a way when you are trying to make sense of things we do not and cannot understand that seems like an answer that makes sense to our human minds. Our sin causes the consequences in our life, after all is that not what we teach our children?
Well this is what God revealed to me as I was speaking to a woman that voiced a statement much like mine. As she said that is must have been something she did that caused God to take her loved one I realized how wrong that thinking was.
You see first of all we do not serve a vindictive God. We do serve a God that gave His only son to die on the cross for our sin. Jesus' blood covered our sin. So what that means is if we yell at our children and sin and our anger God does not in turn take them from us. If that was the case then there would be far more families without children.  Don't get me wrong I do believe that there are consequences to our deliberate disobedience but it is not out of vengeance but out of love.
Once I was released of the insane thoughts of my mind I was able to take a step back and focus on who God is and has been in my life. He is my Savior, my comforter, my prince of peace, the Great I Am,  the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, my deliverer, my redeemer......
Once  I focus on those characteristics of God then I am able to surrender to His will for my life. My question can then go from why to what. What am I suppose to do with this? How am I to be used in this?
COMPLETE SURRENDER! knowing that I am loved by the King and while I do not have any answers as to why I have had to loose 3 of my 4 children but I do know that God does not waste anything. 


  1. Do you have any idea how many people have watched and seen your struggle and grown CLOSER to God? I can certainly tell you of one - me. You are loved and protected even through those seemingly unbearable hard times. And there isn't a mother alive who hasn't lost it. That is what being human is about: being able to do the wrong thing and God correcting and forgiving us. Praise God!
    (Thank you for sharing!!!)

  2. From the previous post "Do you have any idea how many people have watched and seen your struggle and grown CLOSER to God?" There are more than you can imagine.

    For those of us who know and love you and have shared your experiences their haven't been many days we have not re-lived it. Each moment we spend with our friends and families has been more precious knowing it could end at any time.

    Love ya Susan, Love Russell and Zach for the comfort they have brought you.

    We have all at one time or another tried to make sense of the tragedy you and many others have endured in our lifetime. We all have had the same doubts and asked the same questions you have expressed in this blog.

    The pain of a lost love one is not the work of God. The remembrance of a lost loved one, and the time spent is one of God's many blessings for us to accept.

    The "why and what" you ask? Whenever you are in doubt, whenever the path before you is not clear, for those of us watching the reason is obvious, God has chosen you to lead the many who will follow.

  3. It is so easy to let fear and crazy thoughts take over. You are a wonderful mom, Susan! I can't help but cry at the thought of you thinking that you are less and undeserving. You have learned more than most to cherish your family. When we blow it, which I do on a regular basis, it is just further proof that we can't do it alone, but must daily seek God's help and grace.

    I am so glad that you are seeing God for who He is! You are an incredible blessing to me!

  4. I was talking about you just today telling a friend how much your life has touched me. I feel blessed just to know you, and much more blessed that you are choosing to share this with us. Thank you my friend for your honesty through this blog. As much as I feel like I already know you, I feel closer to you.