A time for restoration

Today was Zachary's first rehearsal for Easter Pageant at Central. He is playing the part of toddler Jesus and he had a blast today. Those of you that know Zachary know that he is totally in his element when he is the center of attention so he totally hammed it up today. As we were leaving a sweet gentleman walked over to us and said that Zachary had a "neat personality".  I could not agree more and as I drove home I was once again overwhelmed with God's love for me.
When I look into that child's face I see God's love for me.  With every "I love you mom" and every "super duper" cool story he tells I am humbled by the fact that God loved me so much that He not only restored my role as mother but super exceeded it beyond anything I could have ever imagined.  What a blessing.

All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring.

  The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys.  And he also had seven sons and three daughters

Job 42: 11-13

A time to keep silent, a time to speak.....

Confession time..........I was watching Oprah today and it spurred this blog.
She mad multiple families on her show that have served or are serving in the military. She also had families that have paid the ultimate sacrifice as they lost a loved one in the war. Her purpose of the show was to help us know what to do for these families. We all have been in a situation where we are not sure of what to say or do so many times we do nothing.....
That is not the answer. So here are some thoughts I wanted to share from my own experience:
1. Do not ask "how are you"  unless you really want to know
2. Do not say "call me if you need anything". This will not happen the person that is dealing with trauma or separation is so wrapped up in doing the "next" thing that they cannot even see what they need.
3. DO show up..............to either bring a meal, mow the grass, clean the house, or just sit and listen.
4. Do call, send an email, or a note of encouragement

We use to as a society take care of each other. We use to know our neighbors and we use to live by our families. Be sensitive to the needs of those around you. Reach out and let them know you care. You may not think it makes a difference or that someone else is taking care of them. You may never know the impact you have on that person but believe me it makes a difference. So does your silence and lack of action.

A time to surrender

There have been some very pivotal points in my life where God has brought me to a place of total surrender. This is one of those points. I have struggled this past four weeks with many questions. It seems the more we experience in life the more questions we have.
This past few weeks as I questioned why and struggled to make sense out of something so senseless anger trickled in and in my anger I gave the enemy a stronghold. My anger manifested in a poor attitude and a short temper with my family. I really blew it a few times with my two year old and I had thoughts like, "well not wonder God keeps taking all your children you are a horrible mom and you do not deserve to have children." Now you have to admit that in a way when you are trying to make sense of things we do not and cannot understand that seems like an answer that makes sense to our human minds. Our sin causes the consequences in our life, after all is that not what we teach our children?
Well this is what God revealed to me as I was speaking to a woman that voiced a statement much like mine. As she said that is must have been something she did that caused God to take her loved one I realized how wrong that thinking was.
You see first of all we do not serve a vindictive God. We do serve a God that gave His only son to die on the cross for our sin. Jesus' blood covered our sin. So what that means is if we yell at our children and sin and our anger God does not in turn take them from us. If that was the case then there would be far more families without children.  Don't get me wrong I do believe that there are consequences to our deliberate disobedience but it is not out of vengeance but out of love.
Once I was released of the insane thoughts of my mind I was able to take a step back and focus on who God is and has been in my life. He is my Savior, my comforter, my prince of peace, the Great I Am,  the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, my deliverer, my redeemer......
Once  I focus on those characteristics of God then I am able to surrender to His will for my life. My question can then go from why to what. What am I suppose to do with this? How am I to be used in this?
COMPLETE SURRENDER! knowing that I am loved by the King and while I do not have any answers as to why I have had to loose 3 of my 4 children but I do know that God does not waste anything. 

A time to seek

In this season of seeking God has been faithful. As I mentioned in my first post I have struggled with anger. It is not a coincidence that 4 months ago God gave me the verse, " be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." Ephesians 4:25-27
At the time it helped me with a situation with another person that I was dealing with and I wrote it on my mirror. As I reflected on that verse yesterday I was challenged by a friends statement and forced to ask myself why I am angry. As I sought out the answer to that question I realized that I was angry at the situation, the unfairness of loosing three children. I know that God is still the same God that He has always been in my life. I do not serve a cruel God. And He also gives me permission to be angry. In fact that verse alone says that He knows we will have anger because it is a God given emotion. He does not tell us not to be angry. It does not make you a weak and unfaithful Christian if you struggle with anger. And yes I have had people say that to me.
The second part of that verse was the most convicting...........and do not sin in your anger.  While God gives us permission to be angry He has also set boundaries in that anger. He does that because He knows that if you let anger take root it will give way to bitterness and consume you. So what does it mean to not sin on your anger?  I had a friend ask me today if He gives us a list of how to do that. I wish it was in black and white then it would be so much easier. In seeking this in my own life I had to take note of how I handled my anger. And I am sad to say I have sinned in my anger by taking it out on my husband, my son and other family members.
The last part of that verse is the scariest for me........and give no opportunity to the devil. What that is saying is if you sin in your anger you give opportunity to the devil. That is not who I want to serve.
So as I reflect on that verse He gave me so many months ago I came across this verse
"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26
My heart has turned to "why" to "what", What does God want me to do with this trial. I am not sure what that is but I will continue to seek because there is comfort and peace when you seek God's will for your life.